Just a Stop-Over until the 26th

Its been a rough little while for me...

The last two days I have been completely shut down with one of the worst headaches I have ever had. After 6 to 8 Advil Migraine, 4 Tylenol sinus, a Claratin, a Xyzol, and two regular Advil, my head is no longer pounding today, but its actually sore. I have never had that happen before, not to mention the drug haze stinks right now.

I have been eating extremely poorly - way more junk than I have needed or even wanted, just done it to prove I could, I guess. I even made a cake the other night, but after 1 piece to Randall, one to me, and one for his lunch the next day, I threw the rest in the trash, proving that the "new" me is still in there trying to fight back.

I have wanted a bodybugg, but could never justify spending the money on one, but recently found this lil gadget, and am seriously contemplating getting one. I think it may be the ticket I need to keep my path a little straighter going forward. What do y'all think of it??

Anyway, the 26th is my begin again point. Its too close to Christmas to worry right now. I am just going to enjoy my family and dub the 26th as No More Excuses Day. I will weigh in again, and I know it will be ugly - I seriously expect 10 or more pounds. No lie. But - it will be short lived. I know this for a fact, and 2010 will be the year I hit my goal weight and will never go back again!

So, everyone, I do hope you have a very Merry Christmas, and we'll be talking to you on the 26th! Hope Santa is good to you all!

Weigh In

This morning's weigh in brings both of us back down...

I am once again 269.8 and Randall is again 239.2. Its a good place to be.

I am currently weaning myself off of a med that is not a necessary, but more voluntary one. Even though it is voluntary, it isn't one that can be stopped suddenly, due to some strange and not good side effects / withdrawal symptoms. Even stepping down off of them have caused me to feel off of my game. I am just looking forward to it being out of my system in the new year and feeling better and working hard again to get the rest of this weight off. Right now, I am sluggish, worn out by day's end, and my nerves are a little on edge, but I am consciously trying to keep my mood in check.

I am hoping that I will start feeling at least somewhat better in a few more days. Its rainy and yucky here today and that surely isn't helping with the sleepiness...or mood for that matter.

We were going to go to the Winter Wonderland down in St. Augustine tomorrow, but most of the activities don't begin until dusk, and its supposed to be in the 30's for the first time tomorrow night, so we've put that off for another week or two. If the weather cooperates, there is another historical church tour in another part of town on Sunday, so maybe if our legs are up to it, we'll get another big walk in! In any case, I know the weekend will be fun and active. Be back to wrap it all up on Sunday! Hope everyone's last weekend before Santa will be great!

Four Years

Four years ago today, Randall and I were married.

It was a bitterly cold, dreary, rainy day, and the most beautiful day of my life. It was a funny journey to that day, and I'll try not to give you an entire saga, but give you some highlights.

We met online, through a 'dating' site called webdate dot com. We emailed back and forth for a while, asking each other all sorts of questions, and every time I would read his responses, I would gush just a little more, because he answered everything just as I would had I been asked the same. When I asked him what his favorite movie was, and he responded "Forrest Gump" and cautiously admitted to me that he had watched it about 20 times, I told him, "Well, that just did it. I'm going to have to marry you now." and added, I was up to 54 times (at that time), myself.

We spoke on the phone and I instantly fell in love with his southern drawl. I had been born in Pennsylvania and spent nearly half of my life at the time in the north. He was Georgia born and raised, only living in Alabama and Florida otherwise. He called me darlin', and I thought I was going to melt right into the carpet.

We finally agreed to meet, and on July 17, 2004, we met at The Avenues Mall for the very first time. We spent the entire day together, but some of the charm that I had fallen for via email and the phone were not there, and the sparks were absent. He was a novice when it came to dating, and it was very obvious. I was so disappointed that we didn't see each other but once more after that, and drifted apart as quickly as we came together.

I went back to an ex and a horrible situation, and he moved on to a new girl and an equally horrible scenario, and yet, we never left each others' thoughts. I often thought about him and hoped he was happy, and something deep down told me I had made the biggest mistake of my life when I let him go.

In August 2005, I split up with my next beau, and had the overwhelming urge to try to contact him, so I sent him an email, just saying hi, telling him that I was sorry for the way things turned out between us and I hoped he was happy. He immediately emails me back, telling me his relationship had also just ended. WOOSH...there went the spark again....

Three days later, I invited him to my place for dinner, and by the next month, we were talking about marriage. He gave me a ring on November 17th, and one month later, the end of one story began the tale of another.

We had a cheap wedding - a notary married us
in my parent's living room in front of 10 people

The first time I ever kissed Randall in front of anyone

Randall, Me, My Mom and My Dad

So many things have changed since that day.....

Our roles going from Boyfriend and Girlfriend, to Fiances, to Husband and Wife, to Daddy and Mama.

From Randall and I both working one job outside of the home to him working two and me working to keep the house, the baby and us comfortable, happy and healthy.

Our health...losing a lot of weight and clearing up so many health disasters waiting to happen. We are both lighter than we were when we wed - I am about 20 pounds lighter and he is about 30 pounds lighter. Feeling so much better about ourselves and so much happier for the other, too.

And with all of this, the best is yet to come.

Learning Lessions Through Loss

Today is my friend and coworker Cheryl's birthday. She would have been 42 years old. I can't forget the evening in March of this year when another former coworker called and gave me the news that she had died in her sleep the night before. It shook me to my core.

Cheryl was the kindest, friendliest woman you could ever have the pleasure of meeting. She was a manager and put in long hours at work, where she was hugely dedicated to her career.
She would help anybody with anything, and had worked her way up into upper management at a pretty young age. She was one of these people who, when you mentioned them, everyone knew who you were talking about.


She was just as in love with her family, which was her daughter, Piper, who is eight. The two of them shared a home with Cheryl's mother and Cheryl's nephew, Nick, who she was raising, and had been for several years. She spent countless hours taking the kids on trips, making sure they had everything they could want and more (her daughter had a cell phone by the time she was 5), living in a huge home with new cars each year. In fact, the day before she died, she and her mother were out buying I-pods for Piper and Nick, just because.

Every year on her birthday, we would get her a cake. We got a cake from Publix for everyone's birthday. She always wanted a chocolate cake with fudge icing. Everyone would always complain about how rich and sweet it was, but there was nothing like it to her. I never saw her drink anything but Diet Coke...morning, noon and night. She always had candy in her desk. She did pack her lunch most days, mainly because I think it was a time saver for her, so she didn't have to stop working to grab a bite.

I went to her viewing, and I think at least 400-500 of the 700 people we worked with were there, proving one final time just how much she touched everyone. I miss her often.

I struggled a lot this year with making time for myself in order to get healthy. Right now, with the Christmas season upon us, my focus is once again on other things and other people and not myself or my journey. I know this is temporary, but there is nothing like being reminded of how crucial it is that it is temporary, than to have an example right before you.

Cheryl had everything - a great career, multitude of friends, a beautiful daughter and loving family, and every material possession that you could want, and yet, you never saw her take time for her. She never focused on keeping a balance where her health and well being were in the mix. So now, her daughter has to grow up without her Mother. Her friends are left without her laughter and smile. Her position at work was filled by another who won't do the job the same way she did. Her coworkers miss her guidance and warmth.

There are no guarantees, obviously. This could have been her time to go no matter how healthy she had been, but I can't help but wonder...heck, to believe, that had she made herself even a fraction of the priority that she made everything and everyone else, she would be sitting at work, having her chocolate birthday cake right about now.

Every time I want to quit focusing so much attention on myself, I think about Cheryl, and realize that if I don't do this now, I won't have the time I want to dedicate to Daniel, to Randall, to everyone else and all of the things I hold dear for much longer...definitely not as long as I want to. So, thank you Cheryl, for the reminder.

Happy Birthday, my friend. I will always miss you.

Busy, But Blessed to Begin Again

Wow, what a busy weekend and Monday we have had!

I don't know where to begin....we went to have Breakfast With Santa at the Museum of Science and History (MOSH) on Saturday. Last year's experience with Santa was nothing short of a nightmare, so we hoped that this one would fare batter. See for yourself:


We then enjoyed the museum's offerings for a few hours before heading home.


We spent the afternoon shopping, and it was exhausting, because the weather was horrible - rainy windy and cold, so it made getting in and out of the car with Daniel a huge pain and a huge time swallower.

The next morning the weather had cleared up and we were able to hit The Farmer's Market for the first time since the week before Thanksgiving. We were sorely lacking any fresh foods, and I was so excited to go back! We ended up with: 2 bags of spinach, broccoli, carrots, green and red bell peppers, Roma tomatoes, cabbage, turnips, pomegranates, pineapple, bananas, pears, blackberries, parsley, zucchini, mushrooms, lemons, and eggplant. Then my parents gave us a ton of oranges and tangerines off of their trees, so we are set! -We actually had an egg white scramble for dinner tonight with mushrooms, tomatoes, red bell pepper and capers with a little reduced fat cheese - awesome! I baked some hash browns also and had added peppers in that, so a dinner full of fresh flavors again was wonderful.

Sunday evening, Randall, Daniel and I decorated sugar cookies that I had baked off the night before. Daniel wasn't interested in the frosting, but her sure took to the sprinkles! I so enjoy doing little things like that as a family now, since the desire was lacking before, only from the lack of energy.




I wanted to use today to try to get Christmas goodie making done, and I almost succeeded - I got three batches of fudge done, and only want to make masrhmallows, which I will do in the next day or two, and then, I am truly done. I also worked on my ornament order, and got it done! Only took 2 hours to get all 15 painted once I got my organization down.

For those of you who wonder...I plan on giving 85%+ of what I made away. We took a trip to The Dollar Tree this weekend and I got my containers to pack up everything, and that was very exciting, because I like making homemade gifts a special experience, all the way to the package.

Buckets for cookies, smaller containers for candies,
and bags for smaller goody gifts!

All of the ornaments I pained:

What they look like hung up:

In the middle of the morning, I got a call from Randall as I usually do. He tells me that his boss had just come by, and mentioned their bonuses. This subject has been going around our house nearly as much as it had been going around his job.

The first year he worked there, he had only been there for three weeks before Christmas, so he was given a $25 gift card to Publix, which was much appreciated. The next year, they held a Christmas party and he got $150.00. The year after that, the owner forwent the party and dived up what she would have spent on one amongst the crew, so he got $200.00 cash for that, and $200.00 check for a bonus. Last year, he got $300.00 cash in place of the party, and a $600.00 bonus check.

This year, the company lost its biggest client this fall, and they had to let some people go, move some to part time, and its down to a staff of 15, when at one time, there was as many as 40 working there.

There was not a peep about getting anything, so we just decided to be grateful that he still had his 40 hours and let it go. He found out today..... he'll be getting $150.00 cash in place of the party, and.....
......a bonus of $1,000.00!!!! I thought I was going to have to be peeled off of the ceiling when he told me that! I flew high the rest of the day. Its going to be nice to have a little money in the bank for emergencies again. Its been a while!

Now, on to the equally as exciting news on the weight loss front. I have decided to get down and dirty with it again, and not play anymore. Three months hiatus was long enough. I am nearly done with my major projects for the season and there is no more excuses.

I got on the bike last night! I went 3.36 miles in 10 minutes, which was at least a start! I haven't been on it in nearly 2 months! I am going to be challenging myself and Randall on that bike and getting other activity in where I can. The more structured eating will resume and I am excited to get back to work and start feeling better again! I think this will also do wonders for my insomnia, too. I am so thrilled!

So, be expecting to hear better updates from here on out, for both of us!

Week of Worry, Water Rention and Wishing for Sleep

This week turned out to be a roller coaster of feelings, both physical and emotional, and so very much more.

The week started out great, but some of my dear friends are experiencing hardships right now - one has a father who has been very ill, and one is facing some scary financial problems, and they have been heavy on my heart and mind this week.

I am still battling insomnia, which takes its toll on me physically, especially with all that needs to be done right now - the baking, the cleaning, the organizing - you know how that is. Daniel's sleep pattern changed while he was sick and I can't get him back on track, which means he goes to bed when I do, leaving me no down time, and that can be nerve wracking.

I am trying to crochet scarves for everyone in my family for an extra gift, and am down to the final one, I think. I have an order for some Christmas ornaments from an old coworker, so I need to find the time to get those pained. I still have some candy I want to make, and my tins to buy to give away all of the goodies, some of which I need to get into the mail soon. Just a lot to think about.

The weather changed this week and got much much colder, and when its cold, I don't drink. I know I am dehydrated - my joints are starting to ache, so I have going to force myself to get the water down. It had a negative impact on my weigh in this week too - I was up three pounds. I know this is water retention - I have not drank enough to flush my system and my fingers are tight. I made a promise to myself that next week will be different.

On Thursday, I went to the doctor. You may remember I had to cancel my previous appointment due to what I can only assume was a miscarriage. They tested me, examined me, and said that its likely that that is exactly what happened, but I appear to be fine now. I had them remove the IUD, and now they want to do an ultrasound on me in a few weeks, just to make certain that the device caused no uterine damage and to make 100% sure that everything cleared itself out. I am relieved to have it gone, so that I won't be terror filled if or when I get another positive from a pregnancy test, even if we are planning on it being several more pounds away.

I am making great strides in my mindset to get back on track as quickly as possible, and it is these thoughts that I will focus the next post on. I just wanted everyone to know where I have been, and what happened that caused a gain on this weigh in. No excuses, just the ugly truth, here. As always.

Birthday Review

I decided to chunk up these last few days in a few posts, even though I hadn't been posting, to keep from wiring novels. Hopefully it won't be confusing, as I am going to post them using the dates that would have been correct had I been on my toes.

The day was a typical Tuesday for me, although it was nice to hear from family calling with birthday wishes. I got on Facebook to find 32 birthday messages, which put a smile on my face.

I spent my afternoon trying to make chocolate covered cherries for Christmas. My parents were heavy into candy making many years ago and gave me all of their molds some time ago, so I got them out & tried...notice I said tried. The cherries were huge and I had to cut them in half and it just didn't work.

Randall came home from work early, with a beautiful card and a box. I knew the box came from the Publix bakery. First of all, we have been married for 4 years and these last three are the only three in my entire life that I have not had a birthday cake. My parents always got me one, my co workers got me one, somehow I always had one, until I got married. I thought I was going to result to making my own like my Grandfather used to do, but I remembered how sad I thought that was and decided I would likely just go without, and this is the first year that it probably wouldn't have greatly bothered me, so when I saw the box, I got a little nervous.

Then, I looked inside and smiled

It was the perfect size! We all got basically what amounted to one piece of cake and it was gone. Just perfect. The only thing I would have changed if I could have is the color. I looked at him and said "Red and Green?"




For those of you who don't have a December birthday, let me tell you what its like -- you never get birthday gifts in pretty party paper - they come in Christmas paper, if they come at all - a lot of times you get "I didn't get you anything for your birthday because I am getting you something extra special for Christmas." (which of course never happens, either). My sister had it even worse than me - her birthday is December 24th. Of course, Daniel is probably going to have a similar stigma, as he was born on February 14th, poor kid!

Randall did explain that his only other mini cake option was one that was screaming Christmas, complete with an angel and a horn on it, so I forgave him.



We went out to dinner at Up The Creek, where we split a fried green tomato appetizer and I got a grilled talapia sandwich. I only ate part of my fries. It was the perfect amount of food - I left full and not sickeningly stuffed like I used to after a celebratory meal.


I got to end my night watching The Biggest Loser finale, where I got another present - Danny won, and I so wanted him to win! I taped the show and plan to use it as motivation while I exercise on the bike, which I plan to start back next week, and I will explain my thoughts there in the next post.

The fact that I am in better shape, feel better and look better at 39 than I had at 38, 37, 36 or even 35, was a gift in and of itself. And as much as I can't believe I am saying this - 40 is going to be awesome!